You Gotta Let Go

A Blog Post by Alex Staponkus, Red Sneaker Ambassador

I have a severe peanut allergy, asthma, and eczema. I was diagnosed when I was 18 months old. I have experienced reactions dozens of times, and I have used my epi-pens. I have been in the hospital for all manner of issues. I have been an Ambassador for Red Sneakers for Oakley for almost 2 years now, and I run the account “Stock Trades for Oakley” where I raised money, and then traded it up to $1000. I recently reached my goal. I am a Junior in High School now, and I am looking forward to college on the horizon. As I do so, I began to think back to my experiences, and I thought I could catalogue some of my thoughts for other members of the allergy community.

Because of my life as an allergy kid, it probably made me grow up a little faster than other kids my age. I have a severe allergy to peanuts, and I also have had severe asthma my whole life. When you are told that you could die at any moment from food, it kind of makes you pay attention. When you are told that your life depends on being responsible, you tend to become more responsible. I am certainly more mature as a result. Does that mean I missed out on aspects of my childhood? Being carefree and liberated from having to worry about anything? Maybe a little bit. But my childhood was still enjoyable, and I still reminisce on it, and look back on it fondly. I don't think that anybody in the community should be worried about that for their kids.

Part of paying attention meant that I have practically always carried my own EpiPens, since 3rd Grade. I used to take a Pokemon backpack with me everywhere I went, and it carried all my medicines in it. In Middle School, I moved onto just wearing shorts with large enough pockets to put my Auvi-qs in them. It worked for me. While I have never had to use my EpiPen in a public setting, I have had to use them at home, and in the doctor’s office during a peanut trial. It's hard, and it's not fun, and it will never be something that I choose to do, but it was good for me to experience the feeling. Because of the experiences I have had with it, I am now prepared for any situation where I might need to use it. It is always in my pocket now, and I am ready.

I have noticed that many times, parents of allergic children are very, very protective of their kids. It is something that is created out of absolute necessity. Let's say you are 7 years old, and you are offered a cookie. You will naturally eat it, because cookies are delicious and you don't know any better. Mom and Dad are there to protect you, because maybe that cookie could kill you. But as you age, you begin to understand what you are dealing with. I think sometimes, parents don’t realize that. I think sometimes these parents still see their kid as that 4 year old that just got diagnosed, the one that needs to be protected. Maybe it's out of habit. Maybe it's out of fear. Either way, it always stems from love and that is more than obvious.

Unfortunately, that love might breed some willful ignorance, which is what I want to warn against with this blog post. If they are anything like I was, an allergy kid in Middle School might be as responsible as a normal college kid. They are well aware of their surroundings. They know the right questions to ask, and they know what they are dealing with. But if you're a parent, maybe you ignore that.

If I were to give a warning, I would say be careful of your willful ignorance. Be careful of the way that you treat your sons or daughters, because willful ignorance will create resentment. It will create self doubt and worry. I know I most certainly asked myself: “Why was I made this way? Why can't I be normal?” more than once, and I think that is natural, and it is ok to do that. It is part of becoming who you are, and it will happen regardless of the way you treat your kid. But it is important to recognize that by trying to shield them from the world, you will only put fuel into that fire. They will see their friends being able to do things that they can't, being able to go places that they can't. That's a really hard thing to come to terms with, especially when you are in Middle School. When you are already self conscious about yourself like every other Middle Schooler is.

If the parent of a child with food allergies asked me for advice, I would say that at some point, you have got to let go. You will know when. You will realize, sitting across from them at the dinner table, or when talking to them, that they are ready for you to do so. They are mature, they know what they have, and they know how to be careful. They know what to do if things go wrong. They might be begging for you to give them the chance, but you just have not prepared yourself. Unfortunately, you may never really be prepared. But you need to see that it is not about you, it is about them. You need to trust them, and have trust that you prepared them for what's ahead.

I know it is difficult to be an allergy parent, and it is painful. It is an extra burden on your life that you have not asked for. An extra thing on your plate. It is so scary to have that threat looming over. But try to realize that it does not have to be a threat. It does not have to be something that controls you. I think that allergy parents are some of the most loving, caring, and present parents. Someday, I am sure your kid will recognize that. But for the time being, please do not be fearful. You have done a great job, and you will continue to do a great job. But try to let go a little bit. Just a little. Your kid will thank you.